This birthday for him was so different, and I am so very thankful! It was different because my son looked forward to being with his friends and family, he showed his smile and emotions, and he allowed himself to have fun! This birthday was different because it was only a year ago that he struggled with wanting to open presents in front of family and friends, and instead wanted to be in my arms and bury his face in my shoulder. My son has PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from being abused as an infant. He has come a long way, and is such a happy child but he still struggles with emotional outbursts sometimes.
For those who don't know, PTSD is a condition that heightens any emotions felt by the person who has it. Any emotion, happy or sad, can induce the stress hormones that are released during "fight or flight" mode. A happy or sad emotion can trigger those hormones and cause the person to turn angry and lash out, or to turn and run from what they think is causing that emotion. PTSD can cause lifetimes of damage, but it can also slowly be reversed with proper coaching, therapy, and positive experiences.
When I found out that I was pregnant with my son, I was already in an abusive situation. When my husband found out that I was pregnant he immediately became enraged, and put me in situations to cause me to miscarry. He forced me to carry heavy objects, cut up fire wood, take long walks (4 miles) with his heavy work boots on, and more. After my son was born Danny put us in dangerous situations on a regular basis, and abused our son by shaking him, carrying him upside down by one leg, and screaming in his face when he would cry. Even though I begged him not to, Danny kept shotguns leaning in the corners of our living room ("just in case we needed to defend ourselves"), and one day when my son began to crawl he accidentally knocked the gun over (thankfully it wasn't loaded). Another time Danny asked me to get him something from our bedroom and my son started crawling behind me, Danny locked me in the bedroom and would not allow me to get to him. My son kept crawling toward my bedroom, and on the way touched the pipe for our hot water heater and severely burned his finger. Danny's response was "it's good for him, now he won't touch that pipe ever again." Another time my son was sitting on the floor in the bathroom while I was getting ready (I kept him close to me at all times), and he pulled himself up to standing using the toilet. Danny saw him do it and slammed the toilet seat down onto his hand, and Danny said "He'll never touch that toilet again!"
The after effects of these and so many other events are hugely disruptive in my sons life. My son does not like new experiences, good or bad and whenever there is something that even mimics what he went though as an infant he is debilitated. One night my father was singing along with an opera that came on TV and because of how loud it was my son became inconsolable. My father was just trying to be funny and be playful with my son, but to him it was traumatic because of the abusive screaming he had endured. My son has had violent night terrors, he has had terrible angry fits, and has ran and hid in his closet in trepidation. He still knows what every sound in our home is, and is alarmed at each one. Whenever there is a knock on the door (or even something that sounds like it) my son gets a look of terror written across his face. But thanks be to God, my son gets better each day.
I am thankful for so many things, but I am most thankful that both of my sons are safe and never have to deal with being abused again. I am thankful that my youngest son has never even met his biological father. We (as a family) can smile and look on our future without fear because we know that God is in it, and we don't have to fear the plans that God has for us! My God has brought me out of some terrifying things. He has given me the gift of safety, and that is the best feeling I could ever receive!
She rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]! Proverbs 31:25.b
A father of the fatherless and a judge and protector of the widows is God in His holy habitation. Psalm 68:5